In court you tried to make yourself look
good by telling the judge that you didn't have to prepare a statement and could
speak right from the heart compared to me who came with what they wanted to
say, well here I am writing you this letter and all my lovely thoughts are
promised to have come from my enormous heart. . . . . Let’s read, Shall we. . .
Parker,
I have been dreading this day for so long. It seemed so far away but now it is here and I wish it would go away. I really don’t know how to sum up my feelings right now. I don’t know where the fuck you are anymore, whether you are In jail or not but I do know you have nowhere else to go other than your father’s house and I know that is most likely where you are. I hope you stay put and don’t fuck up anybody else’s lives including mine. You might be able to play mind games with the system and my mother, but you can’t play games with me. I might have been born with a malfunctioning brain but I can see right through you. You didn’t need a year and a half to reread the accusations made against you. Every single accusation I made against you said the same thing anyways. You could have read one of them and known what the rest of them were going to say. It is not a coincidence that you fired your attorney the day before the trial two times in a row. And I sure as hell don’t believe for one second your thinking I was my mother is an excuse as to why you did what you did, you lied, you told me afterwords not to tell my mother! That is proof right there that you knew who I was. You can have my mother I don’t care about her. You really are a perfect match for her, a stupid user and loser. But you can’t have my dignity. You stole the majority of my childhood from me along with my innocence. I knew you were a problem ever since I was little. You use to tell me how you remembered me and how I looked so cute when I was just a little baby. Like why are you telling me this! Do you know how creepy it is to have your molester tell you how cute and adorable you looked when you were a baby? You got off easy like you always do. You sick motherfucker. I think the word motherfucker fits you nicely because you fucked and fuck my mother like nothing happened. How can you look at her and not be reminded about what you did to me?
I have been dreading this day for so long. It seemed so far away but now it is here and I wish it would go away. I really don’t know how to sum up my feelings right now. I don’t know where the fuck you are anymore, whether you are In jail or not but I do know you have nowhere else to go other than your father’s house and I know that is most likely where you are. I hope you stay put and don’t fuck up anybody else’s lives including mine. You might be able to play mind games with the system and my mother, but you can’t play games with me. I might have been born with a malfunctioning brain but I can see right through you. You didn’t need a year and a half to reread the accusations made against you. Every single accusation I made against you said the same thing anyways. You could have read one of them and known what the rest of them were going to say. It is not a coincidence that you fired your attorney the day before the trial two times in a row. And I sure as hell don’t believe for one second your thinking I was my mother is an excuse as to why you did what you did, you lied, you told me afterwords not to tell my mother! That is proof right there that you knew who I was. You can have my mother I don’t care about her. You really are a perfect match for her, a stupid user and loser. But you can’t have my dignity. You stole the majority of my childhood from me along with my innocence. I knew you were a problem ever since I was little. You use to tell me how you remembered me and how I looked so cute when I was just a little baby. Like why are you telling me this! Do you know how creepy it is to have your molester tell you how cute and adorable you looked when you were a baby? You got off easy like you always do. You sick motherfucker. I think the word motherfucker fits you nicely because you fucked and fuck my mother like nothing happened. How can you look at her and not be reminded about what you did to me?
I am sure you are happy to be free today so
you can go be with Lynn. A part of me wants to blame you for messing up my
mother but the rest of me knows that she was fucked up way before she had anything
to do with you. You and Lynn never cared for me it really creeps me out that
you and Lynn ever had to shoot diastat up my butt. What was going through your
head when you saw my bare ass butt? Did it tempt you? Lord I hope you weren’t the one shooting it up
me. No matter how drunk and high my mom was I would have preferred her to have
done it.
They say the worst thing you could do is give the person who hurt you pride for hurting you, but why the fuck do you get your freedom you stole mine from me. You don’t deserve freedom you deserved to be locked up forever. You stole my freedom; literally. How is it that you can steal my freedom and childhood up in till I was nineteen yet you only get three years stolen from you? And half of the time you spent locked up wasn’t even for hurting me it was for skipping bail. No one knows this but you should have been charged an extra time but I got confused and messed it all up. I could have had you write me a letter telling me how sorry you are but again I can see right through you. You told the judge that you were sorry and that you have and always will love me. Well here is what I think of that. If the guards and police that were in court that day weren’t there I would have slapped your mother fucken face real hard, and left a deep scratch so whenever you look in a mirror you are reminded of what you did. Everybody will stare at you like the mother fucken creep that you are. How dare you say such stupid thing. If you were really sorry you wouldn’t have felt the need to turn around and freakishly smile and chuckle at me in court in your bright orange jumpsuit all locked up in chains.
But you are now free, like the roaming wind
only this hurts a lot more than when the wind slaps me in the face. Walking
outside takes on a whole new level of courage now, but even though you and your
father only live two blocks away from me. I will be better than you. I might
feel unsteady when I walk outside but my feet will keep moving until I fall to
the ground. I might be nervous and on the verge of crying every time I walk
outside but those tears are a show of where I have come from and what I have
gone through and it’s about time they come out. All these tears that I never
cried before they represent everything you put me through, all the years you
stole from me and all the strength it took out of me to win this. I never once
cried over you when you were a problem only now that you are free are they
surfacing and they won’t stop. You didn’t win no you didn't, I won because you
didn't kill me.
