Invisibility

Well today started out great. We went shopping for shower slippers. We went to 3 different stores just to find a pair that works for me. Minus the fact that he kept knowingly showing me men's shoes trying to get me to wear them it was a surprisingly good shopping trip with him. I really don't feel right wearing man shoes.

So then I began talking to him saying how ridiculously stupid it is that people are saying that gay marriage is worse than the murders that happened in Norway! He did not even look at me or say a word to me. I know he heard me because when I first said his name to get his attention he said "Huh"then that was it. I hate that I cant have an intellectual conversation with you. The only thing that we can really talk about is food and chances are that gets you mad as well. Its hard enough getting through this depression and pain with out meds and substance abuse but I think I'm going to become one of those gays  that steers away from her parents. Damn I cant wait til I send you that letter. things will bubble between us like never before. Sorry but I am not as clueless you cant hid anymore.


He made dinner. Once we began to eat he finished up his chicken and did not feel like getting up to get his salad so he began picking his nose right in front of my eating my food. When I saw that I was like" May I get you your salad" He responded with yes. I was like are you that lame that your to lazy to get up and get your salad yourself that you have to pick your nose and worse yet do it in front of me when I'm eating. ugh. Then you cant even clean your dishes on your own you hand them to me when I am going back to sit down. I realize I am your kid and I have to do stuff around the house to balance out the money you bring in but I'm not your effin slave.

A Halloween Without Police

Four weeks mom. Four weeks. Does it feel nice?

It feels like spiders keep crawling on my skin. Disturbing and uncomfortable. They make my body numb. If something were to happen to me I think I would want to be numb. That way I cant feel anything. Put numbing cream all over my body.Will I ever feel comfortable with my life that you will stay away from me. Safe enough to love? How far away do I have to go to get away? This just popped in my head but how come I never got a piece of paper saying you can't come near me like I did with the last one.

Growth?

Tonight I went to a huge Fancy fan appreciation dinner with the epilepsy foundation. I saw one of my favorite friends their. His name is Chris. I was telling him how I plan to apply to be a Skeleton Crew girl but I have to wait til October because chances are that's when the job offers will come out for it sense that's when the hockey season starts. He works with the Admirals as a Sports Geek. So he told me he would talk to John the person who is in charge of all that stuff when it comes to hiring people. He told me I need to tell him when I can come down and talk to John. I guess I need to touch up on my skating skills. I should talk to my friend about going to the Petit Center of something.I think that's my first step other than making my resume which is really nude. Hope I get it. I think I can get to the Bradley Center from Alverno pretty easily that would be cool. Whoa what a life change that would be. Think about it  I live away from my dad for the first time in my life and I get a job at the same time or soon there after. Its scary, nerve wracking and enlightening all at the same time.