Seven Years

Once upon a time there was a little a fourteen year old middle schooler named Jessica who had epilepsy since age three.... She was having between twenty to hundreds of seizures every night and her seizures were not under control no matter how many pills she was taking. She at one point was taking up to 30 pills a day.  After a couple declines from the doctors at Children Hospital she was finally accepted to go ahead and have brain surgery on August 14, 2004. She had approximately 1/3 of her brain removed cause it was infected with dead cells.  She has been seizure free ever since.

Having epilepsy has never been an issue for her. She always felt lucky that she had epilepsy because she was different then everyone else and she did not want to be like the everyone. She loved going to hospitals and seeing doctors. Yes people put her down, said she was retarded, and found her to be scary but she knew better than that. So she never let it get to her. Quite frankly she has always wondered why people aspire to be like other people. It just sounds so pointless to her. Why would you want to be somebody else when you can be a better version of yourself than you could ever be of someone else.

I remember when I had Auras (a mini seizure that alerts you a bigger seizure is on its way) I always liked the way they felt. They made my head numb and tingly. It boggles my mind why people are so glad I don't have epilepsy anymore. I think I know the answer to that question but I don't think It was as big of a problem as people made it minus the fact they paid hundreds of dollars for it. It made me happy when I seizured actually. It also made me feel independent because sometimes I would have to take care of myself at school and teach kids that I am not some scary monster. I used to read all my classes a book on the first day of school so they could understand me better.  Its like having Epilepsy gave me the confidence that I cant find anywhere else. Then after I had my brain surgery all my confidence dwindled I have yet to find it again.

Some of the most famous people in the world had or have Epilepsy yet they still had a great life and made something of themselves. Sometimes you have to be different in order to see the world in a more abstract way and not through the lenses of society. Difference is beautiful because it means your being true to yourself with who you are and not letting society run your life for you..... These are just a few of them......


     Artist- Vincent van Gogh - (1853 - 1890)




         Singer- Neil Young - (born November 12, 1945)



Writer- Agatha Christie - (15 September 1890 - 12 January 1976)




Writer- Charles Dickens (17 February 1812 - 9 June 1870),




Emperor- Alexander the Great (July 20, 356 BC - June 10, 323 BC),



Actor, producer and humanitarian - Danny Glover - (Born July 22, 1947)




Chemist - Alfred Nobel - (October 21, 1833, Stockholm, Sweden - December 10, 1896


Artist- Michelangelo - (March 6, 1475 - February 18, 1564)



Artist - Leonardo Da Vinci - (April 15, 1452 - May 2, 1519)



American author, poet, editor and literary critic - Edgar Allan Poe - (January 19, 1809 - October 7, 1849)


Philospher - Aristotle - (384 BC - 322 BC)


26th President of the U.S. - Theodore Roosevelt - (October 27, 1858 - January 6, 1919)


Pianist - Peter Tchaikovsky  (May 7, 1840 - November 6, 1893)

POP

Dear dad you clueless bastard. saying I'm on the phone to you is not derogatory. Its called I'm on the phone I can't talk to you right now. It's my conversation and you are not included. Stop budging into my conversations and assuming people don't understand me. just because you don't get me doesn't mean the person on the other end of the conversation doesn't get me. cause actually the other person gets me all the time. Also just because I explain myself doesn't mean oh they don't get me it means I'm a girl and that's what we do we explain things into great lengths. I see no reason for me to apologize for saying I'm on the phone dad" you say that means your a moron but in reality it doesn't mean your a moron it means dad I am on the phone so shut your fucken pie hole. And yes its true your a fucken dramaqueen.

I really don't know how much more of you I can take before I move out. two weeks seem to far away and too risky. no I can not see any therapist til school starts as no therapist is on campus and free right now.

Yes I secretly left the apartment last night because I could not stand being in this god damn house. listening to you and your shitty ass porn. Dad you have no clue what I was doing to myself last night. I was chocking myself with cords, writing over myself, stabbing myself in the head, bitting myself. Contemplating if I should purposefully poison myself with that cleaner thats right by my bed. Thinking about how I am going to kill myself when you finally go to bed. Thinking where is a huge body of water I can go to right now so I can jump in it and die. I was already writing my suicide note to you only it was more for Jayme and not you cause you don't care and you just don't think things through.

I love talking to myself till the brink of crying cause you don't give a fuck. It feels nice to let how I feel loose even if no one is here to listen to me or is open enough to understand and doesn't scare me. Sometimes I get confused if how I feel is me really needing answers and clueless as to who I should talk to or where to turn and scared to open up or me not comfortable with who I am.